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Posts Tagged ‘news from the baltics’

I’m sad to report that Estonia has, at long last, taken silver in the Wife-Carrying World Championship.

Nationality Unknown; Awesomeness Certified

Nationality Unknown; Awesomeness Certified

Taisto Miettinen and his wife, Kristiina Haapanene, from Finland, won the annual Wife-Carrying World Championship this week. Miettinen completed the 200 meter course, which includes multiple hurdles, a track, and a pool portion, in 63 seconds.

My Estonians took home the silver after an uninterrupted decade of being the world’s wife-carrying champions.

I won’t worry too much. We’ll be back again.

Let us not forget, though, that wife-carrying does come from a not-too-distant history of, you know, kidnapping and raping women. Mum was taught an adorable song at Estonian camp as a child. Here is a very rough English translation of a sample verse:

The suitors came from the Northern horizon

tra la la la la

You I will take for mine   (point at random girl)

tra la la la la.

behind this seemingly innocent picture, dark deeds may lurk.

behind this seemingly innocent picture, dark deeds may lurk.

Among other sweet Estonian customs, if, at a wedding, a guest stepped on a cow patty, they were automatically invited to the first child’s christening. It seems, during those winter months when everyone was inside drinking themselves into oblivion, that they had lots of time to come up with silly antics. Sometimes I wish I lived in the old country. Except when I see all that blood sausage.

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Why on earth do ESPN and other sport news programs focus so much time on baseball, football, and basketball when there is such a thing as wife carrying?! Outrageous. Wife carrying has a proud and glorious history stretching back to at least the late 1800s when men would run over to a neighboring village in Finland and kidnap some ladies by throwing them on their backs and running away! How very interesting that there is a sport which developed literally from kidnapping women. And yet I am fascinated.

there are many creepy things about all of this.

there are many creepy things about all of this.

The Estonians are apparently the fucking dominators of wife carrying, having won the Finnish world championship every year since 1998. I do not know how I feel about the Estonians dominating this of all sports. I can’t say I’m feeling pride… or can I?

An example of "The Estonian Carry"

An example of "The Estonian Carry"

The winner receives his wife’s weight in beer. If you’ve ever been to a gathering of Estonians you know that won’t last long. All the boozing will be mingled with many speeches on Historical Facts You Don’t Give a Shit About, but I’m sure knowing that all those dudes were running around with their wives draped around their neck makes things a little more cheery.

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